Where has the time gone?

As today comes to a close we are wrapping up the celebration of our beautiful baby girl's third birthday. As I kiss her goodnight and close her bedroom door I can't help it as tears fill my eyes. Where have the last three years gone?
It seems like yesterday that I first heard her tiny cries. I can still feel her in my arms and remember her sweet baby smell. Then the moment came when she opened her eyes and looked at me. Our eyes locked together and there was a peace and calm I had never felt before. In that moment she had complete trust in me. She was completely dependent on me. My life was no longer my own, but 100% hers. It was that moment that my heart was captured in a way I never thought it would be. I would never be the same again. She has had my heart ever since.
Now her tiny cries are very clear, and at times, very sassy words. Her dependence has turned to independence as she explores the world around her, and she is all to quick to let me know she can do it, and she doesn't need me. She faces everything with wonder, excitement and curiosty. It amazes me how she has changed in such a short period of time.
So as I hug her and she says, "I love you mommy, see you in the morning," my heart begins to ache. I hold her just a little tighter and I don't want to let her go. I can't help but start to pray to God, "Please slow time down." I want to savor this moment just a little longer.

Happy and Glowing...NOT!

Throughout life I have always heard that pregnant women are beautiful.  Their skin is glowing.  There is an abundance of energy, hair and nails looks fabulous...blah, blah, blah.  So my question is, where is it and why has it skipped over me?  I am not seeing or feeling ANY of these things.  For starters it's 8,000 degrees outside.  That alone in itself makes me miserable.  Then you add on the fact that I ache constantly.  My back hurts, my ankles hurt, and everyday at about the same time I get a headache.  I am tired...no make that exhausted.  My skin is a mess and my nails are just as brittle as before.  I do not feel beautiful.  One look in the mirror reminds of that.  I overall feel angry about the whole thing.
Don't get me wrong, I am in no way angry towards the little girl that is causing me to feel this way.  I know that once I see her face all of my ill feelings will melt away, and I will most likely go through all of this again one day.  I am just saying that at this moment in time I despise pregnancy and all it brings with it.   
Right now as I type this there is one thing I am thankful for.  Thank the Lord I am not an elephant because then I would have to be pregnant for 22 months.  22 months!?  I have never felt so sorry for an animal in my life.

Worry, Worry, Worry...

One of my favorite books is Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes.  It's about a little girl that worries about EVERYTHING.  Most people would say her worries are over insignificant things that she can't change.  I find myself very connected to this book because I too worry about EVERYTHING.  The things I worry about in most people's eyes are small compared to the real problems of the world.  While people worry about "logical" things, I find myself worrying about things like nap mats and lunchboxes,.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Pretty crazy huh?  My husband worries about things like getting a new job and paying the bills, but I have more important things to worry about. 
     We have made the desicion to move our little girl Cadie to a preschool.  She has been in a small home daycare for almost three years now.  Three years which is her whole life!  This change has brought a bit of anxiety into my life.  I am filled with questions like: Is it the right choice?  What if she cries?  What if she doesn't nap?  What if she doesn't eat lunch? What if she doesn't make any friends?  Worry, Worry, Worry, too much worry. 
     On top of that I have to buy a nap mat and lunchbox for her.  Now this should be an easy task, but for me it just piles on the worry.  I want to get just the right one at just the right price, but it still has to be cute and be of good quality.  I have spent who knows how long looking at stores and on the internet for just the right one.  My husband calls me obsessive.  I call myself thorough.  It has gotten so bad that last night I tossed and turned thinking about it, and then had weird dreams of walking nap mats and luncboxes.  I am going to blame that on pregnancy hormones. 
     So my worry continues.  I'm sure that Cadie will be just fine, and in the long run she will not remember the preschool switch, or the nap mat and luncbox she has.  But what if...only time will tell.